tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49042489280648588702011-08-20T11:29:52.179-04:00You are batshit crazy and I currently cannot afford a shrink. But don't worry, we can blog it out.SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.comBlogger801100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-23487334182055979882010-05-11T11:05:00.006-04:002010-05-11T12:53:27.611-04:00

In the past two weeks, dramatic things have happened in Times Square. Exploding SUVs, evacuations and coolers filled with, GOOD GOD, MAN ... water bottles. You know what hasn't happened? This blog.I'm guessing it's pretty obvious that I've semi-abandoned this thing. Will I ever write on it again? To be honest, I'm not sure. Don't get me wrong, Times Square continues to be as mindblowingly

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-26718666542154844052010-01-20T16:00:00.000-05:002010-01-20T16:23:42.676-05:00

If you've ridden the NYC subway in the past couple of years, there's a good chance you've seen Rubik's Cube guy. He walks around giving a mildly amusing spiel about the Rubik's Cube's claim to fame as the predecessor to PlayStation - and then he sells cubes for a dollar. Usually, he sells a few cubes per car. Is it slightly annoying to hear anyone talking loudly on a morning commute train, sure.

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-47450434266792182542009-12-29T17:30:00.001-05:002009-12-29T17:33:06.556-05:00

In Times Square, home of the Oblivious, it's exceedingly rare to find someone who is refreshingly self-aware.Thank god this man knows how obnoxious he is.Of course that doesn't explain phenomena like:a) why he's talking to Spider-Manb) why Spidey looks like he's about to slip him an unmarked envelopec) why he continues to ask me if I like comedy. Every. Damn. Day. There is a step after Acceptance

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-4549010493008231822009-12-28T15:17:00.012-05:002009-12-28T15:46:17.326-05:00

Trudging through the pedestrian traffic in Times Square at any time of year means that - despite my best efforts to render my eardrums useless via the 8th incarnation of my earbuds - I will inevitably be forced to overhear a conversation that will blow the very fabric of space/time with its stupidity. Trudging through said TS traffic during the holidays raises the stakes of the equation thus:

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-41642063375776406122009-12-16T12:29:00.008-05:002009-12-16T14:42:38.945-05:00

You know it's holiday time in Times Square when:1) Dingy Elmo changes out his pimp hat for a Santa hat.2) Santa's silhouette juxtaposes with the Lace stripper silhouette to make this striking high-art image.3) I finally find out who those mannequins around the GMA holiday table are supposed to be and it suddenly makes so much more sense that it's Carrot Top in that weird Satan worship pose.And

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-11887397981835267732009-12-10T13:04:00.007-05:002009-12-10T13:38:40.710-05:00

About two hours ago there was a fatal shooting on 46th and Broadway. You can read the details here.This is scary and tragic and someone has now lost his life.However, this doesn't stop the tourists of TS from continuing to do what they do best: being tastelessly overexcited and stationary in the most inappropriate places.Far from staying away from the swarms of cops now at the area, most were

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-61221041992888452832009-12-08T10:45:00.012-05:002009-12-08T11:20:37.953-05:00

I pass by the Good Morning America studios every morning on my way to work. Even though there have been some questionable things/people on display there at times, I haven't written about it yet because I usually put my head down and hope to make it past the corner in less than 10 minutes.This morning, I saw that they had put up their Christmas windows. The first window was a large but rather

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-77770035569866687092009-12-04T11:30:00.008-05:002009-12-11T11:07:49.137-05:00

Yesterday's post inspired me to really embrace those Times Square characters and phenomena that in turn embrace what Times Square means to me. Toilets, giant inflatable rats,and other bottom-feeding scavengers.Please note that the rat and the shrimp were within about three feet of each other.Now the shrimp is there to 'advertise' for Bubba Gump which at least makes sense despite the fact that I

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-20350644559004390352009-12-03T12:28:00.012-05:002009-12-03T18:14:10.164-05:00

If there ever comes a time during this holiday season that you start to doubt your career choices, that you wonder if your job is meaningless, demeaning or unbearably menial - think of this man.This man is dressed as a toilet in the middle of Times Square. While I applaud that the costuming is much more apropos to its environment than any cheery faux Muppet - and while I actually think Charmin's

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-79729419355416477122009-12-01T13:56:00.005-05:002009-12-01T14:33:23.450-05:00

As someone who was in NYC on 9/11, there are few subjects which bring me to a more somber tone. Although I feel there is no way that anyone who was here can ever forget any of it, I generally don't comment on the 'Never Forget' paraphernalia that exists.Until now.Seriously?! Okay, yes demolition company - I get that you have a right to express yourself just like anyone else. But maybe considering

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-19551192856394145572009-11-30T21:45:00.008-05:002009-11-30T22:22:02.716-05:00

The holiday season is upon us and could I really let this special time of year go by without bringing you the yuletide crazy that is sure to twinkle ever so brightly in Times Square? No, I could not. You can thank Santa for putting you on the 'Nice' list.And because the merriment of the season has put me in a super-generous mood, I present you with this most rare and ultimate of all DTS photos. I

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-36554781420784013532009-09-16T08:50:00.001-04:002009-09-16T16:48:09.385-04:00

In Part II of What DTS Did On Its Summer Vacation: Atlantic City Edition, we ask - after a grueling henna session, what else could one need other than a nice, soothing massage?Luckily, I have two AC "Spa" recommendations which come with extremely top-notch credentials. The first:As you can see, this massage parlor has the distinction of getting the highly coveted rating of "Voted # [Thumbs Up]."

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-77101640797395312042009-09-15T08:28:00.001-04:002009-09-15T08:35:51.276-04:00

Well, folks, summer is almost officially over. And not only did we New Yorkers get a rainy, dreary, gloomy one, but I wasn't even able to harness the crazy enough to write regular posts on this thing. If there was a DTS Eeyore, I would insert him here now.Even though this summer doesn't really deserve it, I think I'm going to try to give it one last hurrah by dedicating this new mini-themed blog

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-26576524372532514452009-08-26T13:06:00.006-04:002009-08-27T00:26:33.303-04:00

Tell me, dear readers. Is it true what they say: does absence really make the heart grow fonder?In the past few weeks, some major motion picture has shot something or other in Times Square, causing me to externalize my usual internal monologue of 4-letter words as I elbow my way through the foot-traffic of 4,273 people staring at a lighting rig and some really sexy lens filters. Britney Spears

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-74983346465241165332009-08-05T17:57:00.008-04:002009-08-06T08:37:02.080-04:00

I have to say, one of my favorite things about Times Square is that it really offers options. For example, are scantily-clad Cowboys not really your thing?Well then, you've got to admire a place that targets the scantily-clad Silver Egyptian/Native American/Spartan Hybrid God fans and then really delivers:I do like that this man is not only dedicated enough to work out but to spray paint between

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-10581505462289498672009-07-27T17:04:00.009-04:002010-05-11T11:10:56.766-04:00

I have to admit. Comparatively, this Pooh is pretty benign:I mean, yes, he's felt the the need to inscribe his own name on his shirt, either because he thought he wouldn't be recognized or because they have a previously-unreported belly shirt theft problem in the 100 Acre Wood.And, yes, he's carrying a most un-Pooh like hamper bag that probably reads "Tips," but which I'm going to go ahead and

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-55813604590346398602009-07-23T12:13:00.008-04:002009-07-24T11:43:08.938-04:00

I really like when Times Square decided to meld its mindfuckery into one cohesive piece.Readers, please say Hello to Bridesmaid Kitty:Photo courtesy of @baddjujuGorgeous. I especially like the matching felt lavender dots that are crowning her forehead. That's very Mischa Barton of you, Bridesmaid Kitty. I'm also glad to see that you're carrying a proper purse instead of a Christmas stocking.

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-39725072516958078352009-07-20T17:44:00.008-04:002009-07-20T19:33:59.646-04:00

On one of the 476 flashing Times Square signs, I saw a call to visit Times Square's official website: timessquarenyc.org.So I took a virtual stroll over there today and:I'm only showing a portion of this site for fear of sending my readers into epileptic shock. I really can't afford to lose any of you.I don't know why I'm surprised that my virtual stroll through timessquarenyc would be ANY

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-42003217059596780492009-07-15T17:40:00.005-04:002009-07-16T16:51:56.322-04:00

Yesterday, I saw:A child perched upon a mailbox, ringing a bell on behalf of the Salvation Army, and screaming at the top of her lungs, "I'm on a boat!"I actually didn't know that the Salvation Army did their whole 'bell' thing outside of the Christmas season.I also didn't know that they had recently taken to breaking child labor laws with a child that is either so dubiously supervised as to be

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-17787626961608419342009-07-14T12:26:00.008-04:002009-07-14T13:18:14.498-04:00

One of the occupational hazards of keeping this blog is that sometimes I get ahead of myself.For example, last month I wrote this post all about how "scary" one pair of DTS Mickey and Minnie looked. Little did I know what awaited me:He. Has. A. Tongue. Tattoo.It took me many, many photoshop zooms to figure out what it said. At first, I thought it said 'I love nuts.' Then I read, 'I love NYC.' But

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-1836710081829157052009-07-13T11:04:00.008-04:002009-07-13T11:53:52.934-04:00

This blog post hurts me for a number of reasons.One, this was breaking Times Square news last week and I failed to be the one to break it to you. Two, I was chastised by two separate parties for this failure. Three, I actually have to link to the NY Post and cite them with a photo credit.As to the first and second count, I can only plead that I was in my office, working at my obviously

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-68912009758090868702009-07-02T10:30:00.000-04:002009-07-02T10:39:00.974-04:00

Yesterday, I stepped outside and forgot the Golden Rule of Blogging: Never forget your camera.So, sadly, today I do not have documentation of what I will swear under oath to you that I saw. A woman, leisurely strolling along by herself, wearing an all-lace see-through wedding dress, like so:And, underneath, nothing save:Oh, right, and a veil.As per usual, I only have some hypotheses as to why

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-33629776580942157842009-06-30T11:14:00.004-04:002009-06-30T11:33:42.046-04:00

Lady Liberty: OMG, Becky. Look at your butt.Jester: You know, I've had just about enough of your lip. It's hard not to have panty lines with this outfit, LL. Okay?LL: Whatever. Do you think that restaurant will notice that I stole their votive candle for my torch?J: Nah, they're all fools. Get it, fools?LL: Hmph. Your jokes are kinda lame.J: Why do you always have to be so jealous?LL: Jealous?

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-89307235591114823622009-06-29T10:26:00.006-04:002009-06-29T12:16:20.222-04:00

Remember this guy?That lovely ode to the culinary arts lives on 45th between Broadway and 6th Ave. But, much like the Mona Lisa in the Louvre, I'm sure he's often plagued by crowds of people just clamoring to have a look at his elusive facial tics.So the artist who created him bowed down to the public's wishes. And on 44th between Broadway and 6th Ave., gave us this:You can tell by the cleaner

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-4445933041224794562009-06-26T10:11:00.003-04:002009-06-26T10:34:31.853-04:00

This is a humor blog and the purpose of it, for the most part, is to try and put a smile on your faces with all the wacky stuff that goes on in the Tourist Mecca that is Times Square.But last night, I went home in a fog. I didn't even notice the people standing around me in the middle of the square, staring at the news ticker that pronounced Michael Jackson had died. Normally, I try to tell jokes

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-14599910163215972512009-06-25T14:16:00.006-04:002009-06-25T16:30:00.163-04:00

This blog post brings with it a heartwarming message of sorts: that no matter where in the world you are, you cannot escape from the terror of fraudulent furry people.Photo by Left Hand Rotation via Boing Boing*This picture was taken in Madrid, Spain apparently, about 3,500 miles away from Times Square. I like that the man behind the fake Pooh is wearing a belly shirt. It's a nice touch and

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-88277425884191831832009-06-24T13:07:00.009-04:002009-06-24T13:25:52.145-04:00

It's come to my attention that I've written about TS Mickey and Minnie before (here and here for example), but I've never given you a full head-on image of what they actually look like.Are you sitting down? Are you eating? If so, I'd chew and swallow and make sure your stomach is feeling strong before you look at this. Also, that your cubicle is soundproof and/or the boss is out to lunch, in case

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-65114953509899731512009-06-23T14:18:00.003-04:002009-06-23T14:31:58.406-04:00

First we had skorts. Then tankinis.You know what hybrid fashion phenomenon I think we're missing? You totally guessed it, Planet Hollywood. The grass bellbottom trend:Perfect for that large cross-section of Hawaiian hula enthusiasts feeling nostalgic for the 70s. And look how well it goes with that bright pink peace sign belly shirt from Aeropostale's 1994 vintage collection and that Ricky's

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-24892242897667265392009-06-16T11:33:00.004-04:002009-06-16T13:02:34.744-04:00

I do understand what Bravo was going for with this ad. I really do:See, traditionally, Top Chef has a knife as part of its logos. And as famous chefs, these contestants are always striving for those elusive 5 stars that signify the highest honor a restaurant could get.Except that the way that knife-star is shaped, it really looks like it could double as an advertisement for Top Chef Mohel (that's

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-87262976434805616232009-06-15T11:11:00.004-04:002009-06-15T12:25:59.671-04:00

On Friday, I once again was lucky enough to get a glimpse at the most famous rodent couple of all-time.Not only was Mickey sporting a brand-new jacket (I'm assuming the MJ one was in the wash), but it matched his starry clogs and was probably so uber-patriotic that the cops wouldn't dare mess with him this time.And, Minnie, god bless her, was finally taking a stand against the age-old cat/mouse

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-85347636973609647162009-06-12T11:49:00.008-04:002009-06-12T12:22:58.961-04:00

If you're a celebrity in New York City, it's likely that you get chauffeured around in style. For example, what if you are a beloved, well-groomed, super busy TV/radio host and you want to make sure everyone knows just how busy you are, shuttling back and forth to your various engagements and obligations?On a more subtle note, imagine that you are the mayor of New York, and in these hard economic

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-56225646392678722332009-06-11T10:30:00.007-04:002009-06-11T10:54:56.298-04:00

It's always a good day in Times Square when I have a new costumed phony to mock.Why hello, TS Hello Kitty!Now, I have to admit. At first glance, TS Hello Kitty's costume doesn't seem to be as much of a disaster as, say, Spongebob, Mickey & Minnie, or, Batman. Though that could have less to do with the aptitude of the costume-maker and more to do with the fact that this character already looks

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-36659468215304789922009-06-09T11:45:00.008-04:002009-06-09T14:13:53.215-04:00

I really love when TS gives me the gift of letting this blog go back to its roots.Case in point:That is a couple. Ballroom Dancing. In the Times Square subway station.And that is a stool wearing sexy red lingerie.Furthermore, the woman seems to be dressed in appropriate tango gear. But the dude looks like he just stepped out of a Jimmy Jazz.I don't even actually know if the two events (stool and

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-15261303452134125082009-06-08T14:55:00.008-04:002009-06-08T21:32:30.976-04:00

Here is a subway ad designed to bring awareness to New York's citizens that public service employees cost them less than private contractors.A noble cause. Except that I'm wondering if this ad was proofread by a public service employee:'Cause now I'm a little concerned about the quality I'm dealing with when these employees aren't just mere copy editors but, you know, nurses, police officers,

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-25635230182199836262009-06-04T14:21:00.006-04:002009-06-04T16:03:09.848-04:00

On the subway on my way home last night, I saw a kid wearing jeans.Which in and of itself is not newsworthy. But after a few stops of having his backside in my direct eyeline, I noticed that there was embroidery on one of the back pockets.It said NYT. And was written in what looked an awful lot like official New York Times font.Is this what kids these days are wearing? Clothes emblazoned with the

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-29179935268197243822009-06-03T14:13:00.008-04:002009-06-03T14:42:07.361-04:00

Last week, I caught a show and was in Times Square much later than usual. Do you know who comes out in Times Square at night?No, there's no need to call child services. It's the Dark Knight himself, people.Yes, I apologize for the quality of these photos. I had left both my camera and camera phone at home and had to resort to other, lesser means to get these. Therefore, the full effect of

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-43055211473011438752009-06-02T08:15:00.006-04:002009-06-02T09:54:22.679-04:00

Let's see. Now if I owned a street cart, I'd probably want to decorate it. And what would I want to decorate it with?I'm thinking something that would make people hungry for succulent street meat. Or make them yearn for a hot, salty pretzel. Something that just calls out to their stomach like a Shakespearean sonnet. That makes their mouth water. That makes their minds scream, "screw the diet!

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-12009585912163617212009-06-01T09:00:00.000-04:002009-06-01T15:26:06.968-04:00

The NYPD has a mini-station set up on the traffic island in Times Square. Perfectly understandable as I think this blog has made evident that policing is highly necessary in these parts.But the police department isn't content with just serving and protecting the good citizens of Times Square. They would also like to contribute to the beautification of their surroundings with this fine example of

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-92043708691008848862009-05-29T08:11:00.000-04:002009-05-29T08:11:20.919-04:00

Today, I feel great. I feel validated. I feel really, really, ridiculously important.Why, you might ask? Well, despite what Google Analytics tells me, apparently some highly influential people are reading my blog. I admit, I got a little suspicious when the number of costumed characters proliferated exponentially. And then, when the ridiculousness/comic gold mine of the lounge chairs happened

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-70420643916764940542009-05-28T09:00:00.003-04:002009-05-28T11:30:21.649-04:00

Amidst the false Minnies and Elmos of Times Square, there is also sometimes a true symbol of this great city and this great land.Look closely:Yes, it's true. Lady Liberty.So what if a plastic stepstool and/or a really serious pantyline can be seen beneath her robes? This woman has been the symbol of opportunity and freedom for countless generations. She can get away with not wearing a thong.In

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-155000376142051682009-05-27T10:06:00.010-04:002009-05-27T10:43:31.914-04:00

BREAKING NEWS (-2 days): Because of some transportation commissioner's brilliant new idea, Times Square (and in fact most of midtown Broadway) is now permanently closed to traffic. The idea is to make it into an outdoor pedestrian mall because it was a great success in Copenhagen. You can read more about it here.I'm not even sure where to begin discussing this absurdity, but my deep

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-78951831185511971322009-05-26T08:11:00.001-04:002009-05-26T10:16:01.299-04:00

In honor of Memorial Day yesterday, I said to myself, "Self, what would be the one thing that would make you ready to enlist in the army? The one thing that would make you feel brave enough to risk your life for the sake of your country? The one thing that would make you think, 'I AM an army of one, god damn it. Sign me up.'"And then I thought about my life, my goals, my accomplishments. In other

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-13836118216655240962009-05-22T10:52:00.006-04:002009-05-22T11:06:53.273-04:00

You may or may not remember that time I waxed lyrical about the Bow Tie Building.How he was going to ask me to prom. How we were going to be the spiffiest couple there. How he seemed like such a gentlebuilding.Well, we were all fooled, friends. Because I was walking by and finally saw what was inside:That's right. Visions of topless women.I guess it's true what they say. There are no good

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-7127113627803004962009-05-21T08:13:00.002-04:002009-05-21T10:37:02.553-04:00

Sometimes, I very much lament not being a quicker draw with my camera. This also has a lot to do with the fact that I really don't like stopping in the middle of the World's Busiest Sidewalk to take a picture while there are two dozen people walking 1/8 of an inch behind me. I know I'm the only person in Times Square who feels this way.However, I wish I had eschewed ALL sense of public propriety

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-87840966600198921052009-05-20T08:18:00.001-04:002009-05-20T08:26:46.256-04:00

Sure, I get it. Vampires are sexy. They're creatures of the night. Dark. Brooding. Mysterious. Dangerous. Sparkly, in certain cases.I'm thinking sexy was what HBO was going for with this:Except that the way this photograph was shot, composited, photoshopped whatever - it looks like Mr. Vampire is drooling all over the chick from Fly Away Home's clavicle. Bite marks can be sexy. Lolling tongues on

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-28756915187252828892009-05-19T08:32:00.001-04:002009-05-19T12:55:27.293-04:00

Move over, Elmo, Minnie, Spidey.It's time for TimesSquare SpongeBob.Are you ready kids?!Oh...who works a street corner just like a pro?TimesSquare SpongeBob!Looks suspiciously the same build as Elmo 2.0?TimesSquare SpongeBob!In all seriousness though, who is making these unsanctioned costumes? A disgruntled Ricky's employee? An early Project Runway castoff? Lisa Turtle?In SpongeBob's case we have

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-71867055885036673432009-05-18T08:25:00.000-04:002009-05-18T08:25:48.806-04:00

Hey, HBO! I have a great, environmentally-friendly proposal for you. Once this poster no longer applies to what you're advertising:Why not strike a deal with Ex-Lax, change around some copy, and voila!Al Gore would approve.

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-28296820754401562572009-05-15T08:39:00.002-04:002009-05-15T11:07:04.949-04:00

In a brilliant marketing move, Intel has asked people to text their answer to the question: 'What do you want in the future?' and then posted those apparently unfiltered answers on four ginormous electronic signs in the middle of Times Square.When your company’s name is derived from the word ‘intelligence,’ I’m not really sure that’s the best idea. Here's why:To this I respond, in the future, I

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-64062982687850885882009-05-14T08:35:00.001-04:002009-05-14T08:42:18.690-04:00

Honestly, sometimes this blog just writes itself:This is just like a Highlights Magazine exercise. Alright, kids, let's find all the things wrong with this picture, shall we?1) A kid has decided to don a cherished baseball cap of his uncle's. Whose fond memories of it include that time he wore it to a 1991 Kris Kross concert.2) This kid came to Times Square yesterday on some sort of educational

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-55962556144627813822009-05-13T08:42:00.002-04:002009-05-13T09:09:10.095-04:00

You're not going to believe this, but this window display is actually supposed to make me want to buy swim trunks:Thanks, Quiksilver. I totes want to look like this guy:Those tie-dyed board shorts really help to focus away from problem areas like stick legs, frosted hair and ambiguous sign language. See, the right arm looks like he's shooting a gun while the left arm looks like he's surrendering.

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-41779717676605200772009-05-12T18:20:00.001-04:002009-05-13T00:23:31.102-04:00

It only took 4 days of being locked in a jury deliberation room for me to have this realization without any hint of irony: it feels GOOD to be in Times Square again.And I had to look no further than my train commute IN to create this commemorative TS re-entry blog post. So thank you, hipster guy.A small disclaimer however: though I was completely stoked to be able to get back to my life (my life=

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-80185645812424023282009-05-07T00:27:00.009-04:002009-05-07T08:29:28.011-04:00

The tragedy of being stuck in a courtroom instead of reporting on Times Square continues.But I did find this little gem in my hard drive:This is an H&M window display. From 2009.Let's examine the male outfit, shall we? Now I've discussed this tight pink pants phenomenon before. But unlaced Doc Martens, H&M? Really? That in combination with the green and blue Cosby sweater underneath the leather

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-46099152080345150032009-05-04T13:55:00.014-04:002010-05-11T12:25:12.212-04:00

If you've been following this blog at all, you've probably come across a lament or two about the false kings I am forced to reckon with on a daily basis; and by kings, I of course mean Muppets, Disney characters and superheroes.It turns out that one brave soul must have read one of my many complaints and, unable to control his burning desire to dress in some sort of furry one-piece and wave at

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-30829419502417682352009-05-01T08:22:00.001-04:002009-05-01T12:41:21.408-04:00

Picture this: You are a beloved oversized rodent, your oversized rodent ladyfriend on your arm, taking a romantic stroll down Broadway.What could the extenuating circumstances be that would cause this to happen:Some hypotheses:1) Michael Jackson has filed a missing jacket report. Uncle Sam has filed a missing hat report. The drum major of a local high school marching band has filed a missing

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-43453925325509394372009-04-30T08:21:00.000-04:002009-04-30T08:23:52.524-04:00

Tragically, I've been away from Times Square this entire week. If you must know, a twitch has set into into my right eye, probably from the lack of minimal wattage my retinas have become used to. But would it really be fair to deprive you from your fix? I didn't think so. So, it's time to dig into the archives of my camera's memory card.And...drumroll please...Ta da!What? Are you underwhelmed by

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-10214907613867001572009-04-27T19:42:00.007-04:002009-04-27T20:35:43.094-04:00

As you may have gathered, there is hardly anything that can take me away from my cherished Times Square. In fact, I've been thinking about penning a Motown song to that effect... Nothing you could say, could tear me away from Elmo (from Elmo).Nothing you could do, 'cause there's not one, but two...of Elmo (two Elmos).I digress. The point is only wild horses or jury duty could keep me from sharing

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-809937602898289732009-04-24T08:26:00.001-04:002009-04-24T14:29:49.543-04:00

If I had to break down the entire conceit of this blog into one word, that word would be: WHY?And really never has that point been made clearer to me than last night, when...On my way home, I naturally strolled by Pimp Hat Elmo. And then, a few blocks later, Elmo 2.0. But only as I was just about to uneventfully go down the subway stairs did I witness this:No, that's not a reflection you see.

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-35979339551170593542009-04-23T08:01:00.005-04:002009-04-23T12:49:12.373-04:00

Oh, Planet Hollywood. Just when I think I may not have material for a new blog post, you ride in on your crazy bombastic self and give me this:Tourists and laymen alike, please remain calm and orderly when I issue this decree: the Holy Grail of these parts has been found. That's right, it is "The Ultimate New York Souvenir" and it resides within the hallowed walls of our very own Planet

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-6604758832476392742009-04-22T08:20:00.004-04:002009-04-22T08:58:45.423-04:00

I know that Times Square isn't the only place in the world where one of these exists and that it's actually a chain:Regardless, I think it needs to be discussed.Now I'm a fan of Forrest Gump as much as the next person cognizant in 1994, but I never really considered it a big merchandising tie-in sort of flick. And even if I had, I think the obvious choice would have been Forrest-branded boxes of

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-13341482929706876812009-04-21T08:22:00.010-04:002009-05-13T16:36:17.343-04:00

In case you haven't heard, the Sci Fi Channel announced a few weeks ago that it was changing its name to this:The reason given was, and I quote, "we needed to cultivate a distinct point of view with a name that we could own that invites more people in and reflects our broader range of programming."I don't know about this, SeePhee (seriously, that's how I'm going to pronounce it). First of all,

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-58522819961794934972009-04-20T08:36:00.001-04:002009-04-20T12:24:49.777-04:00

We all know this guy, right? Likes to party, has crazy hair, friend to used car salesman everywhere:Unfortunately, this is what happens when you place that guy smack in the middle of Times Square:Inflatable Guy Suicide is a real issue, folks. First of all, do these Party Guys have any say over where they get placed? Sure, that Yellow Guy above has palm trees behind him and a fine specimen of a

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-7543897507559859202009-04-17T08:45:00.003-04:002009-04-24T14:27:30.558-04:00

Many mornings, on Broadway between 43rd and 44th Street, there is a caravan of parked vans. Some of these vans appear, how shall I put this, a tad on the shady side. For example, on Tuesday there was this:I'm not sure if the owner of this van just used the logic of, "If a Bud Light truck has Bud Lights in it, then my empty van has..." Or maybe it's owned by an entrepreneur who's planning on

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-62496519333783231022009-04-16T08:40:00.001-04:002009-04-16T08:41:37.166-04:00

No, those are not the Jonas Brothers. (You can tell because the piercing screams of 3,400 11-year-old girls have not shattered my camera lens.) They are, however, two teenage boys dressed in matching fedoras, hoodies in varying shades of purple, and tight, tight pants. One of which is pink.It's a clear sign that I'm old, but I find this very odd. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-29284741027636228172009-04-15T08:19:00.005-04:002009-04-15T08:47:11.481-04:00

OMG, you guys! It's The Most Dangerous Game On TV...The P.H. One! Holy crap, they must do perilous stunts involving litmus tests and Secret deodorant formulas. Maybe the whole show takes place in an evil laboratory...wait, it's MTV...an evil high school chemistry class! And during a routine lab exercise, one geeky kid finds out the difference between bases and acids and then uses this vital

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-44463506295605087502009-04-14T08:46:00.001-04:002009-04-14T08:51:33.661-04:00

Wow, Ricoh. Times Square's Only 100% Solar and Wind Powered Billboard, huh? That's very admirable. Very forward-thinking of you. Very green if you will.Except that, uh, this billboard is made of cardboard, has no moving parts, and is not lit up. So by solar-powered, do you mean that I can see it by the light of day? Cause if that's the case, I may have to call shenanigans, sir, since that would

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-65005058603261936892009-04-13T08:04:00.006-04:002009-04-13T11:12:13.379-04:00

This is the NASDAQ building:Those little square rectangles underneath the word 'NASDAQ' are flat-screen TVs. And on them are:That's right, it's a live feed of the NASDAQ building. I don't quite know why that's necessary...but here are some hypotheses:1) Given the economic status quo, the building is so shocked to not have burst into flames yet that it needs to keep checking itself for signs of

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-72047693453663611212009-04-10T08:11:00.005-04:002009-04-10T11:39:15.900-04:00

When confronted with this:...the first thing I think is...OMFG. What could it possibly mean?! Now. Serving. Breakfast? Which word is the emphasis on? What is the subject of this sentence? What's a breakfast?Thankfully, Planet Hollywood is so aware of its audience base that it has included a footnote on this poster. It reads: Visit the Host Stand for Details.I immediately decided to forgo work

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-5434816662857342462009-04-09T08:33:00.006-04:002009-04-09T09:00:26.920-04:00

Last night, as expected, I rubbed elbows with Pimp Hat Elmo on my way through Times Square. Try not to hate too much.But I had only walked two blocks when I was confronted with...ANOTHER Dingy Elmo. This one had no pimp hat and his nose looked a little worse for the wear, but there was no denying which red-haired muppet he was attempting to impersonate.My first reaction was one of disbelief. But

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-46794078957781266582009-04-08T08:48:00.006-04:002009-04-08T11:06:22.262-04:00

Why, yes. The umbrella above that gyro stand is advertising Dianetics, the book written by Scientology founder and possible greatest practical joker ever, L. Ron Hubbard. This makes me think that this must be the street stand to the stars.After all, have you ever met a Scientologist who wasn't famous? No. Because, and you read this breaking news here first, your SAG card comes with a Scientology

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-72967386342174483242009-04-07T08:22:00.009-04:002009-04-13T16:01:14.217-04:00

Professor Edwardo Alvorado is a musician who plays in the Times Square station. He is very elderly and kind of adorable and so I can't make fun of him. I can, however, make fun of the manufacturers of the dolls that he is accompanied by:First, we have what appears to be Louis Armstrong in a camouflage suit. Not really my thing, but okay. Then we have a Swiss Miss with a red violin. She's a little

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-65492262740579942402009-04-06T08:24:00.008-04:002009-04-06T09:06:50.187-04:00

Behold the Times Square Spider-Man.Now, although this man also charges hardworking Times Square folk money to take pictures with him à la Dingy Elmo, I have to give him some props. Dude hits the gym. I think he takes that whole "With great power, comes great responsibility" thing seriously as he's filling out that suit in a Tobey-Maguire-after-6-months-with-a-personal-trainer way.Unfortunately,

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-83641101137905481652009-04-03T09:20:00.013-04:002009-04-09T12:36:52.521-04:00

See, the sign above says Times Square 2009, but the graphics are screaming Welcome to 1984.First of all, that 'confetti' looks like it was imported straight from my 4th grade classroom copy of Print Shop (and what a fine banner border it made). That bizarre electric ball is definitely either from the opening sequence of Weird Science or Out of This World. And that hot pink checkerboard

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-81438105813108653782009-04-02T11:50:00.012-04:002009-04-02T19:17:21.932-04:00

Yesterday was Wednesday. It was raining. And yet, I saw a bride running (read: briskly walking, as it is impossible to actually run) through Times Square. She didn't have an umbrella. She didn't have an entourage, though I think the middle-aged frizzy-haired woman running behind her might have been her mother. And, yet, there she was, amongst all the tourists, and Dingy Elmo, and every other

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-50924634687420189542009-04-01T12:07:00.010-04:002009-04-03T11:55:59.564-04:00

I have been staring at this two-sided sign for the past year and I still haven't figured out what it means: Clearly, it's an advertisement for Bertelsmann Media Worldwide. And it involves album covers. But what do all these albums have in common? Here's a list of what's up there:Elvis: 2nd to None (taking up two slots)Christina Aguilera StrippedTLC 3DMillie MillieHummer H3Blu Cantrell

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-91903409831582963592009-03-25T11:10:00.008-04:002009-03-25T13:42:07.727-04:00

I will be out of town for a few days and therefore won't be able to keep you posted on the bevy of up-to-the-minute events surrounding Times Square.But I am going to leave you with this: an open letter to the MTA and New York State lawmakers, who have now approved a 27% fare hike AND severe cuts to subway/bus services.Dear MTA & NYS lawmakers:As you may now know, 'cause you no doubt have hung on

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-1881042871351154502009-03-24T20:30:00.008-04:002009-04-15T18:03:39.789-04:00

Attention Planet Hollywood patrons! You'll be happy to know that the meat you consume has been freshly purveyed each and every Tuesday via Knickerbocker Meat, Inc. whose logo represents one or possibly all of the following:a) An effeminate pilgrim waving a team flag at his favorite sporting event. Pilgrims = turkey = fresh meat!b) A soccer mom about to cut her son's greasy ponytail in his sleep

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-58236279042419705912009-03-23T20:09:00.013-04:002009-04-15T18:05:47.679-04:00

Oh, boy. I'm not going to pretend I had never seen an ad for one of these movies before. But when confronted with this epic spread today at the 42nd St. A,C,E stop, I nearly did something that goes completely against the rules of subway etiquette: come to a complete standstill.Now, I could pick apart many things here. The strange and sad conglomeration of actors who have worked in legitimate

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-79513919247011612382009-03-20T13:40:00.011-04:002009-03-23T21:09:21.838-04:00

You know what I think when I see this guy standing outside of a deli:I think: Man, am I hungry. I think this even if I'm NOT hungry. It could have something to do with the chef's own obviously full stomach (I mean, that's the most accurate depiction of 'this button's about to POP' I've ever seen rendered in...whatever hell medium this statue is in). Or maybe it's the dirty apron that's saying

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-40570701922444441162009-03-19T09:51:00.010-04:002009-03-20T19:26:06.762-04:00

I like Elmo. I didn't really grow up with him (it was all about Grover and Cookie Monster back in my day), but I think the fuzzy little guy is cute. Does he hog the spotlight a bit too much these days? Maybe. But being a child of the 80s, having interned at Sesame Workshop, not to mention the recent video of Elmo & Ricky Gervais's hilarious Sesame Street outtakes, I have nothing but high, high

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904248928064858870.post-24082670106741619472009-03-18T23:56:00.009-04:002009-03-24T09:11:55.420-04:00

Wardrobe Choice of the Day:Top: Cropped black leather jacketBottom: Leggings dyed to look like black acid-washed jeans detailed with silkscreened back pockets in a creamy hue.Conclusion: If the bottom part of your garment is so thin that pockets quite literally need to be painted on, it does not constitute as pants. Not pants...seriously, even Lady Gaga is like 'Whoa,

SThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504526122190823378noreply@blogger.com0