Copyright Infringement: The Silent Killer

If you've ridden the NYC subway in the past couple of years, there's a good chance you've seen Rubik's Cube guy. He walks around giving a mildly amusing spiel about the Rubik's Cube's claim to fame as the predecessor to PlayStation - and then he sells cubes for a dollar. Usually, he sells a few cubes per car. Is it slightly annoying to hear anyone talking loudly on a morning commute train, sure. Is it deserving of a profanity-laced meltdown worthy of Christian Bale? Yeah, not so much.

Try telling that to the tan, blonde, sunglasses-on-the-subway douchebag who first decided to tell Rubik's Cube guy that he was wrong to call it a Rubik's Cube since that's a brand name and what he was selling was a generic cube. And then decided to follow this unusual but valid point with a loud 5-minute tirade involving the words "asswipe," "fuckface" and about 30 other iterations of the word "fuck." And after poor Cube-man had made his way down the train in the face of such open hostility, another brave/sadistic commuter decided to engage Rage-man with a question about why copyright infringement matters so much to him. His response? "Because I'm a writer!" And then something about how he makes $9.50 an hour. The iPod earbuds were in, so I didn't get to hear how exactly this relates but, as someone who is a writer of sorts on her better days, can I just say on behalf of anyone who's ever put pen to paper - "writer" is not synonymous for "carte blanche to be a dickhead." Being a writer doesn't make you better, more entitled or even more perceptive than anyone else. Although, let's face facts, it probably does make you slightly crazier.

And Rage-man? With your totally uncalled for outburst, I think you managed to vilify yourself - thus turning the mildly annoying Cube-man into a temporary hero of sorts and his wares into a stand against douchebaggery. Which is why I think he sold about 4x the amount of usual cubes on the car this morning. And why Marvel is on the phone with him as we speak to develop a gritty origin story. Well done.

Dancing with the Stools

I really love when TS gives me the gift of letting this blog go back to its roots.

Case in point:



That is a couple. Ballroom Dancing. In the Times Square subway station.

And that is a stool wearing sexy red lingerie.

Furthermore, the woman seems to be dressed in appropriate tango gear. But the dude looks like he just stepped out of a Jimmy Jazz.

I don't even actually know if the two events (stool and ballroom couple) are related, and I don't particularly see how they could be, unless...
a) that stool is a prop for the Flashdance portion of the program.
b) that stool is reserved for a very special bachelorette who is about to get one classy lapdance. In a subway station.
c) that stool is patiently waiting her turn with Jimmy Jazz. She does a mean samba.
d) somebody put that stool in a corner.

Commitment: The Hot-Button Issue

Here is a subway ad designed to bring awareness to New York's citizens that public service employees cost them less than private contractors.



A noble cause. Except that I'm wondering if this ad was proofread by a public service employee:



'Cause now I'm a little concerned about the quality I'm dealing with when these employees aren't just mere copy editors but, you know, nurses, police officers, firemen.

On the other hand, I suppose long-term commitment to one's taxpapers is pretty important. You wouldn't want to just go around using any old taxpapers willy-nilly, spreading your diseased ink everywhere, now would you? What kind of message is this sending to the children, the future CPAs of America?! What about the sanctity of 1040s?!

BTW, that little gem appeared on the same poster twice. Your taxpayer dollars hard at work...since I'm pretty sure that's what paid for this ad in the first place.

I Want to Love You...S.C.B.D.

Professor Edwardo Alvorado is a musician who plays in the Times Square station. He is very elderly and kind of adorable and so I can't make fun of him. I can, however, make fun of the manufacturers of the dolls that he is accompanied by:



First, we have what appears to be Louis Armstrong in a camouflage suit. Not really my thing, but okay. Then we have a Swiss Miss with a red violin. She's a little creepy but she's not giving me a hell of a lot to work with.

But then we have the piece de resistance: the ever-popular Slutty Cowgirl Baby Doll, complete with gyrating hips, belly shirt and glowing pink belt buckle. I can't quite get my head around why someone would manufacture this, but here are some hypotheses:

1) It was a tie-in to that short-lived animated series Coyote Ugly Babies. They make our dreams come true.
2) There were brief talks about 1999 Britney foraying into country music but the idea was soon nipped in the bud. Unfortunately, someone forgot to loop the merchandising people in on that.
3) It was a prop from the little-seen Chucky: Slow Southern Style.
4) Billy Ray Cyrus once had a crazy notion to take over the world with this Achy Breaky Heart Line-Dancing Sweetheart™. Though it didn't take, his dreams would soon come true anyway courtesy of his life-sized domination-bot, Miley FX™.
5) Honestly, this doesn't seem any crazier of an idea than babies that grow in root vegetable patches or babies that can have full Dolly Parton make-up applied with a rag and cold water. Conclusion: It was an 80s toy that just never got the marketing behind it that it deserved.

Here's a quick little taste of S.C.B.D. in action:

An Open Letter to the MTA

I will be out of town for a few days and therefore won't be able to keep you posted on the bevy of up-to-the-minute events surrounding Times Square.

But I am going to leave you with this: an open letter to the MTA and New York State lawmakers, who have now approved a 27% fare hike AND severe cuts to subway/bus services.

Dear MTA & NYS lawmakers:

As you may now know, 'cause you no doubt have hung on to every word of my one-week-old blog, I work in Times Square. Do I enjoy working in Times Square? No. Do I enjoy having a job? Yes.

Now, this may come as a surprise to you, but I actually do not LIVE in Times Square. I commute. Guess how? Why, yes, by using one of your convenient, eco-friendly, budget-friendly, world-celebrated modes of transportation: the subway!

Now, it seems to me from your proposed service changes and cuts that you have never actually ridden one of these new-fangled subway trains. Somehow you seem to think that there is currently the luxury of '100% capacity:' which you have deemed to be one seat for every commuter. Your proposal is to increase this to 125% capacity where there will be '6-12 people' standing in every car. Perhaps you should talk to any rush hour commuter who has ever stayed upright by either sheer willpower and/or being wedged in between enough commuters that a handrail wasn't necessary. I'm thinking if you want to increase the capacity by 25%, perhaps you should think about paying for 25% of everyone's gym membership so that we can all be 25% thinner. Come to think of it, perhaps this is your grand plan as it ties in so well to Governor Pateron's obesity tax.

Let's see: cutting service on the G. Besides being an oxymoron, that's like pouring straight whiskey on a gaping wound, my dear friends. Actually, don't pour that anywhere; I'll take the whole bottle, please.

Cutting down on weekend service, late-night service, and actually eliminating 4 stations in downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn on the weekends? Listen, I know you guys have car services that can take you home when you've had a little too much happy at happy hour. But some of the peons who keep this city running have unfortunately had to put their "limo money" towards...oh, yeah, the extra $23 a month they'll have to pay for a ride that is more crowded and less convenient, but, on the bright side, 27% more likely to cause nervous breakdowns (which should definitely pour some money into the mental health industry. So good call!)

In short, as a New Yorker, a commuter, and a highly influential blogger, I beseech you to do one thing before you actually put this proposal into effect: please ride the midtown 1 train at 5:30 PM on a Tuesday at least 6 stops. Go on, try it. It won't kill you.

Sincerely,
ST