Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I Want to Love You...S.C.B.D.

Professor Edwardo Alvorado is a musician who plays in the Times Square station. He is very elderly and kind of adorable and so I can't make fun of him. I can, however, make fun of the manufacturers of the dolls that he is accompanied by:

First, we have what appears to be Louis Armstrong in a camouflage suit. Not really my thing, but okay. Then we have a Swiss Miss with a red violin. She's a little creepy but she's not giving me a hell of a lot to work with.

But then we have the piece de resistance: the ever-popular Slutty Cowgirl Baby Doll, complete with gyrating hips, belly shirt and glowing pink belt buckle. I can't quite get my head around why someone would manufacture this, but here are some hypotheses:

1) It was a tie-in to that short-lived animated series Coyote Ugly Babies. They make our dreams come true.
2) There were brief talks about 1999 Britney foraying into country music but the idea was soon nipped in the bud. Unfortunately, someone forgot to loop the merchandising people in on that.
3) It was a prop from the little-seen Chucky: Slow Southern Style.
4) Billy Ray Cyrus once had a crazy notion to take over the world with this Achy Breaky Heart Line-Dancing Sweetheart™. Though it didn't take, his dreams would soon come true anyway courtesy of his life-sized domination-bot, Miley FX™.
5) Honestly, this doesn't seem any crazier of an idea than babies that grow in root vegetable patches or babies that can have full Dolly Parton make-up applied with a rag and cold water. Conclusion: It was an 80s toy that just never got the marketing behind it that it deserved.

Here's a quick little taste of S.C.B.D. in action:

1 comment:

  1. I'd watch out about the Miley FX claims - Billy Ray's mullet is all-seeing and all-reaching.