Wednesday, April 22, 2009

When Times Square Gets Obtuse

I know that Times Square isn't the only place in the world where one of these exists and that it's actually a chain:

Regardless, I think it needs to be discussed.

Now I'm a fan of Forrest Gump as much as the next person cognizant in 1994, but I never really considered it a big merchandising tie-in sort of flick. And even if I had, I think the obvious choice would have been Forrest-branded boxes of chocolates, naturally. Maybe followed by Lt. Dan wheelchairs. But a whole theme restaurant centered around what is basically a dramatic saga? Do they want me to cry in my broiled shrimp, remembering poor Bubba? And also, why the hell is that shrimp in the logo wearing a top hat from his middle school production of A Christmas Carol?

But, look, if obscure merchandising is where you want to go, Times Square, why stop there? Why not reference all sorts of critically acclaimed films with your tourist's mecca. For example:

- a Rainman-themed casino, where they encourage you to count cards and play for K-Mart vouchers (I sense a sponsorship opportunity!).
- a Roots-themed travel agency/psychiatric office, perfect for that emotional getaway to your trauma-inducing past.
- a Godfather-themed....well, you could really go crazy here: pizzeria, stables, kissing booth.
- Sophie's Choice-themed scratch-off Lottery cards. Good luck!
- Brokeback Mountain-themed camping supplies and/or marriages-of-convenience certificates.

Go for it, TS. It'll really class up the joint.

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