With Great Power...

Behold the Times Square Spider-Man.

Now, although this man also charges hardworking Times Square folk money to take pictures with him à la Dingy Elmo, I have to give him some props. Dude hits the gym. I think he takes that whole "With great power, comes great responsibility" thing seriously as he's filling out that suit in a Tobey-Maguire-after-6-months-with-a-personal-trainer way.

Unfortunately, that is about where the similarities end. I don't recall seeing Spidey carrying a red felt bag of singles while he was climbing skyscrapers (for practicality's sake, he totally would have rocked a custom-made fanny pack). And the suit has some patches of discoloration that I think Peter Parker, master seamstress that he was, would not have put up with. Unfortunately, as I was walking by him, I was privy to exactly where that discoloration was coming from. Behold Spider-Man's Ass Sweat.

[I would have inserted a picture here but I decided to spare you from adding to the horror of what is already a Monday morning. You're welcome.]

I suppose I can find it in my heart to understand a little bit. After all, that suit is pure spandex and it must be effin' hot. But still...not something I wanted to see. It made his performance just a little less believable. For me.

I just have to put down here one other phenomenon I've noticed. Naked Cowboy and TS Spidey...I have NEVER seen them in Times Square at the same time. Is there room for more than one set of rock-hard abs on display in the Square? Or is there more to this than meets the eye?! I'm sensing an origin story blockbuster movie, people. Get Sam Raimi on the line. After all, do we really need a Spider-Man 4 when we can have a Spider-Man/Naked Cowboy Crossover 1?