Context Is Everything

As someone who was in NYC on 9/11, there are few subjects which bring me to a more somber tone. Although I feel there is no way that anyone who was here can ever forget any of it, I generally don't comment on the 'Never Forget' paraphernalia that exists.

Until now.



Seriously?! Okay, yes demolition company - I get that you have a right to express yourself just like anyone else. But maybe considering the fact that the words Manhattan Demolition actually have to appear on your van, perhaps you could've picked a better medium for your sentiments. Ooh...I have a great idea never thought up by anyone before EVER: how about a patriotic tattoo?!

Tacky even by Times Square's standards. That is an achievement, indeed.

I'm a Celebrity...Drive Me Around

If you're a celebrity in New York City, it's likely that you get chauffeured around in style. For example, what if you are a beloved, well-groomed, super busy TV/radio host and you want to make sure everyone knows just how busy you are, shuttling back and forth to your various engagements and obligations?



On a more subtle note, imagine that you are the mayor of New York, and in these hard economic times, you don't want everyone to know that you don't really take the subway at all, but are of course provided private transportation:



There's a reason that van has tinted windows because you know the interior looks like something out of the billionaire politician episode of Pimp My Ride.

And then we have this:



Um...right. If that's not code for some sort of drug pick-up, I don't know what is. Either that, or someone's really trying to get the most out of their mailbox lettering kit. In which case, kudos for finally finding a place for that equal sign.

On the Shady Side of the Street

Many mornings, on Broadway between 43rd and 44th Street, there is a caravan of parked vans. Some of these vans appear, how shall I put this, a tad on the shady side. For example, on Tuesday there was this:



I'm not sure if the owner of this van just used the logic of, "If a Bud Light truck has Bud Lights in it, then my empty van has..." Or maybe it's owned by an entrepreneur who's planning on starting a hot new Manhattan night club, with the obvious first step being to buy a dingy white van and brand it with the club's brilliantly minimalist name. You know, to get the word around. Or maybe it's a really, really clever acronym: Suckers! Police Ain't Catching [my giant stash of] E.

On, Wednesday the Space van was nowhere to be found. There was, however, this:



Ah, yes. Well, at least with this one we know that Midnight Express is a group of Services and that it is Incorporated. But what could it possibly be expediting at midnight? Hot ladies? Hot dogs? Dustin Hoffman & Jon Voight? Is it actually a fancy horse-drawn carriage that turns into this van when the clock strikes 12? Or is it delivering something to the building it's parked in front of...the suspiciously inauspicious ESPN Zone. Maybe it's their week's shipment of hockey puck patties and they're not quite up to the standards of industry giant Knickerbocker Meat, Inc.

I expect to be reporting more on this story as it develops.

Go(eth) Knicks!

Attention Planet Hollywood patrons! You'll be happy to know that the meat you consume has been freshly purveyed each and every Tuesday via Knickerbocker Meat, Inc. whose logo represents one or possibly all of the following:

a) An effeminate pilgrim waving a team flag at his favorite sporting event. Pilgrims = turkey = fresh meat!
b) A soccer mom about to cut her son's greasy ponytail in his sleep with a kitchen cleaver. Mom jeans = room to allow for consumption of fresh meat!
c) George Washington about to cut down a cherry tree. I never quite understood why but that story had something do with honesty = integrity of fresh meat!

Enjoy your $16 burger whilst you stare at Rocky's used gym towel lovingly encased under six-inch bulletproof glass.