Monday, May 4, 2009

This Message is Approve by PETA

If you've been following this blog at all, you've probably come across a lament or two about the false kings I am forced to reckon with on a daily basis; and by kings, I of course mean Muppets, Disney characters and superheroes.

It turns out that one brave soul must have read one of my many complaints and, unable to control his burning desire to dress in some sort of furry one-piece and wave at tourists from beneath a perpetual smile, came up with this:

Nope, that isn't Garfield, Heathcliff or the Cheetos cat. That, my friends, is a completely unbranded, untrademarked specimen of cartoon feline. For the purposes of this blog, I shall refer to him as Generico Cantbesuedforcopyrightinfringement Cat. Hmmm, there has to be a theme song in there somewhere.

But anyway, despite the lack of credentials, TV shows, comic books, or even blatant commercials to his name, Generico was able to incite frenzy amongst the species most indigenous to Times Square, tourists (scientific name: Nikoni walkslowerus). People gawked, children shrilled in delight, and in fact, just before I was quick enough to whip out my camera phone, a whole group of bridesmaids were falling over themselves trying to get a group shot with Generico. The bridesmaids were sans bride, but I assume that is because the bride had wisely disowned their satiny asses just before this undignified incident occurred.

I have become fascinated by the habits of these mysterious and lumbering Nikoni walkslowerus and their uncanny ability to be so distracted by the slightest hint of abnormality that their lower limbs will simply lock in place while their upper limbs immediately reach for anything with a lens on it. In fact, thanks to the eye-opening experience of creating this blog, I have now decided to dedicate my life's work to the scientific observation of these simple-minded yet fascinating creatures.

My first order of business is a proposal that we consider using this species, much more similar to homo sapiens than say mice or rats, for the testing of cutting-edge medical procedures or new shades of lipgloss. Let's face it, he's probably not doing anything.

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