Say It With Swim Trunks

You're not going to believe this, but this window display is actually supposed to make me want to buy swim trunks:



Thanks, Quiksilver. I totes want to look like this guy:



Those tie-dyed board shorts really help to focus away from problem areas like stick legs, frosted hair and ambiguous sign language. See, the right arm looks like he's shooting a gun while the left arm looks like he's surrendering. It's a deep study on the alarmingly disaffected youth and their criminal vs. despairing tendencies.

Meanwhile, Mr. Garrett Parks is sporting "The Cashola:"



I think we can all agree that, in contrast, this whole look, from the hand gestures to the friendship bracelet to the neon trunks, is highly cohesive. Way to sell d-bag, Garrett. I hope this one makes the first page in your lookbook. You can tell from the way Mr. Jeremy Flores is looking at you that he agrees with me. Although, how much can you trust a man who is sporting all four Teletubbies colors in one article of clothing, really?