Sea No Evil

Move over, Elmo, Minnie, Spidey.

It's time for TimesSquare SpongeBob.

Are you ready kids?!



Oh...who works a street corner just like a pro?
TimesSquare SpongeBob!
Looks suspiciously the same build as Elmo 2.0?
TimesSquare SpongeBob!

In all seriousness though, who is making these unsanctioned costumes? A disgruntled Ricky's employee? An early Project Runway castoff? Lisa Turtle?

In SpongeBob's case we have:

a) eye lashes made from what is clearly store-brand Gorilla tape.
b) an upside down red chin-mustache.
c) a deadly case of green acne.
d) whatever the lime version of jaundice is.
e) a life on the streets so horrendous that neither Canal Street bead purse nor Christmas stocking can be afforded and a black plastic liquor store bag must be used in lieu of a wallet.

Something most be done. TS SB, please...either look into a Proactiv endorsement or check yourself into a free clinic. Next thing you know, we'll all be in a pandemonium over Sponge Flu.

And oh dear God, I just saw those concrete blocks instead of feet:



Good citizens of TS, we must rally and man the Hudson and East Rivers. Either this fake SpongeBob is deluded and taking the whole pineapple-under-the-sea thing way too seriously or about to pull a Virginia Woolf. Either way, the outcome does not look favorable. I repeat, we must rally.