DTS's Greatest Hits

In the past two weeks, dramatic things have happened in Times Square. Exploding SUVs, evacuations and coolers filled with, GOOD GOD, MAN ... water bottles. You know what hasn't happened? This blog.

I'm guessing it's pretty obvious that I've semi-abandoned this thing. Will I ever write on it again? To be honest, I'm not sure. Don't get me wrong, Times Square continues to be as mindblowingly WTF-worthy as ever. But, perhaps, I've said all I've needed to say on this subject. Then again...who knows? Perhaps a Dingy Fozzie will one day step out of the shadows of a building, ask me for money and once again inspire me to take fingers to keyboard.

Until that day, though, if you've somehow taken a wrong turn on the Internet and landed on this site, I thought I'd round up a handful of what I think are some of my better posts and put them all in one place for your reading pleasure. After all, they aren't all comedy gold (some of them barely get a sad Duane Reade honorable mention ribbon).

And, in a moment of rare seriousness, to all those who have followed and read my blog over the past year, thanks so much for reading, friends! It's meant a lot to me.

Without further ado, in chronological order, I give you DTS's Greatest Hits:

Dingy Elmo
The Swedish Chef Better Watch His Back
Reason #73 Not to Get Killed Off of Lost
Go(eth) Knicks!
With Great Power...
Life is a Highway...I Want Off at the Nearest Exit
It's Official: They Are Building an Army
Say it With Swim Trunks
No Intel Inside
This Look Is Aces
Now the World's Most Famous Strip Mall!
No One's Gonna Save You From the Beast About to Strike
They're Going Global
The Silver Lining
Until We Meet Again
And What Happens When You Flush?
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

And, in case you're absolutely itching for more, some Relatively Decent Hits:

Land of the Pilgrim's Pride
Sea No Evil
Tiled and True
Dancing with the Stools
'Post' of Shame
The #1 Argument for Pocket Mace
Virtual Insanity
Willy Nilly Killy Old Bear

Copyright Infringement: The Silent Killer

If you've ridden the NYC subway in the past couple of years, there's a good chance you've seen Rubik's Cube guy. He walks around giving a mildly amusing spiel about the Rubik's Cube's claim to fame as the predecessor to PlayStation - and then he sells cubes for a dollar. Usually, he sells a few cubes per car. Is it slightly annoying to hear anyone talking loudly on a morning commute train, sure. Is it deserving of a profanity-laced meltdown worthy of Christian Bale? Yeah, not so much.

Try telling that to the tan, blonde, sunglasses-on-the-subway douchebag who first decided to tell Rubik's Cube guy that he was wrong to call it a Rubik's Cube since that's a brand name and what he was selling was a generic cube. And then decided to follow this unusual but valid point with a loud 5-minute tirade involving the words "asswipe," "fuckface" and about 30 other iterations of the word "fuck." And after poor Cube-man had made his way down the train in the face of such open hostility, another brave/sadistic commuter decided to engage Rage-man with a question about why copyright infringement matters so much to him. His response? "Because I'm a writer!" And then something about how he makes $9.50 an hour. The iPod earbuds were in, so I didn't get to hear how exactly this relates but, as someone who is a writer of sorts on her better days, can I just say on behalf of anyone who's ever put pen to paper - "writer" is not synonymous for "carte blanche to be a dickhead." Being a writer doesn't make you better, more entitled or even more perceptive than anyone else. Although, let's face facts, it probably does make you slightly crazier.

And Rage-man? With your totally uncalled for outburst, I think you managed to vilify yourself - thus turning the mildly annoying Cube-man into a temporary hero of sorts and his wares into a stand against douchebaggery. Which is why I think he sold about 4x the amount of usual cubes on the car this morning. And why Marvel is on the phone with him as we speak to develop a gritty origin story. Well done.